An appreciation of Bladee's "Cold Visions"
An exposition... and then 15 of my favorite lyrics to accompany.
Bladee is flexing, reflecting, and fighting demons. Divulging deeply, trauma-dumping, and dealing with the dilemmas the duality of an often sought-out lifestyle brings an individual.
He’s sick of it; he wants to be better, but he realizes he is, in many ways, exactly what he knows he doesn’t want to be.
Dejected. Drug dependent. Deep in his own below-freezing chasm of darkness. Dying to climb out of it.
Breaking the cycle and winning the battle with himself in the face of the present reality and how much unraveling it’s going to take to peel himself back to a purer version of Bladee, and if he wants to get there eventually, how bad does he want it, or is it even possible?
What is sacrificed in the process?
There are so many facets to this world he lives in that he certainly doesn’t hide his personal pleasure from overindulging in, but in this world there is also such an atmosphere of despair, hopelessness, endless worry, and anxiety.
It’s reminding him of how so much of what he’s surrounded by stands for nothing, and he doesn’t want to permanently live in a way where nothing means anything, where murder can even mean nothing to someone else or himself.
The killer means what? What does he demand life for? To understand what life is, he must live in lifelessness. You have to pick at the rot on your body. Murder yourself; face yourself.
Let it melt away like you’re standing on the peak of a snowcapped summit, and the sun has finally risen and is adorning you with its warmth and truth, revealing everything under you in its most naked state. You’re still here.
Clean, free’d from your dirty life. Faced with coming back down and bringing this back with you.
There is no other way to decorate this hellscape than with designer clothing, exotic locations, and copious amounts of drugs. Coping with the suffering with flexing and finessing. Flexing and finessing.
I'm on a quest, and I’ve come to kill the evil.
The hate only takes him back to the freezing, cruel place.
Where nothing means anything.
*Agonizing blood curdling yells*
Feeling unseen and unappreciatively taken advantage of, but wanting to continue to be kind to transcend past all of these external things keeping him together. He is hoping he can, suggesting it may be out of reach. Desiring what’s it’s like to be free from sin.
He has blind faith; he wants you to be kind when this world gets evil; he wants you to chase your dreams; if he can’t be better in time, you will be better. You make it through the night; you will be there for others if you love them the best way you can; that’s the true glory Lean says.
Winter → Spring/Summer
True beauty and bliss. That something Bladee is looking for throughout it seems, and seems to be finding it in a form unexpected.
Some of my favorite lyrics from 15 songs on “Cold Visions”
Paranoia Intro - “I got so old, I got embarrassed to even be here, you know? Im losing feeling here, you know? Still, I’m the only hero. Paranoia. The only thing that’s left, paranoia.
Wodrainer - “Catch up with us, can’t catch me, sleep is the one time I’m happy. But even sometimes there’s nightmares, I feel like there’s someone else there. Im waiting for disaster or somethin’ else bad to happen. Im in this beauty pageant and everybody’s laughin’ (Haha).
YUNG SHERMAN - “What if I never make it back from this damn panic attack? GTB sliding in a Hellcat bumping From First to Last. When I die they're gonna make a park bench saying "This where he sat.” Me and Yung Sherman going rehab, this shit is very sad. Me and Yung Sherm in Venice Beach, man, this shit is very rad. Me and Yung Sherman at the gym working out and getting tanned. I never will see you again and I hope you understand. I'm crashing down some like a wave over castles made of sand.”
Flatline - “Not enough (No, ha) Do not deserve (Ha) I wanted to (Bladee) Until things occurred (Cold) It's so absurd It's so bizarre There's something worse that I deserve (Oh, oh-oh) It's all for real (Ha) It's not a dream A lot of things (Ha) But it's not me (Ha, ha) Dissolve for real Acid and bleach Just close your eyes, be close to me
I'd never lie (Despair) I never want to see you cry (No, love) I'd rather die I fantasize, I flatline I flatline I flatline (No, love) I never want to see you cry (Trust) I'd rather die, I flatline (Cold) I wake up every day in hate Awake to hate (Hey) And bad vibes (Cold) My bedside, a fat line (Gone cold) ER-EKG, a flatline Goodnight and goodbye Till next time The monitor reads a flatline (Ah)”
DONT WANNA HANG OUT - “Lowkey, you better off being broke. Having success is not that dope. Being in LA off that coke. Surrounded by people I don't even know. Surrounded by people I don't even like. Fake ass love, that shit played out. Don't care about your status, that shit played out. I don't care if you're rich, I don't wanna hang out.”
I DONT LIKE PEOPLE -“I’m drunk on NyQuil, wanting to kill (Kill) Even if it's God's will, I just can't chill (I can't chill) I try to be normal, I'm too ill (See) It hurts to stay in my skin, real spill (It's true, bro)”
END OF THE ROAD BOYZ - “Mental health awareness, man, I'm anxious and I'm paranoid. You know this shit go round and round and round like a ferris wheel, and you know what goes around comes around like a carousel (It's cold) When the shield goes up, man, it's never coming down. I don't mind playing the clown, man, they hate when I'm around. It gets ugly, it gets real, I don't mind, I proceed. I describe what I see, I'm a visionary (Truth)”
DONT DO DRUGZ -“I told my bro, "You gotta stop"And he told me, "But for what?" Man, I don't know
Having issues with the drugs
Man, it really isn't fun
Man, this shit will have you dumb
Have you seriously fucked up
Make your reality pale
Feel like every ship has sailed
Feel like everything is too late
Feel like nothing is okay
Feel like there isn't any way (You're listening to a Ripsquad exclusive)
Feel hate as soon as you awake
Each day is ruined every day
Might as well do it anyway
Might as well go through it anyway
'Cause you can't see another way
But there must be another way
But you're too caught up in the shame
But there must be another way
But you must have a higher aim”
9.MESSAGE TO MYSELF - “I send a message to myself
Man, you stupid, bitch, get well
Get the fuck up out of hell
Can't get stuck up in that cell
Don't be weak, don't be so frail
Stop expecting us to fail
Man, don't let this shit derail”
TERRIBLE EXCELLENCE -“I haven't slept for a week, I can't sleep I'm having anxiety, I can't breathe. Bad feelings, I'm hooked on the bad feelings. I miss dreaming, I'm late for a missed meeting I can't sleep, I'm staring at the gray ceiling. I'm dream weaving, I smile but I'm still grieving. I like eating the night, I am mistreating. The cycle is repeating.”
RIVER FLOWS INTO YOU -“I'm the king of nothing matters. In this castle that's abandoned (Drain) My body rotten, it's the price of being modern.”
FLEXING AND FINESSING -“My fortune paints an ugly picture
If I should trust my intuition
I probably could do it different
To catch my drift I'm going fishing
On my way back from going missing (Listen)”
FALSE -“In the club going hard and I'm staring at the wall. In the night and I'm lost following an evil star. What's the point of it all? Question me, don't question God. Going broke at the mall. Going swipe, I swipe my card. I believe, I mean I believed. I used to believe when I used to feel. I believe I used to be real.
But now I don't, I
But now I don't, I.”
CANT END ON A LOSS - OUTRO
“I remember being, like, eighteen, I was thinking I was so fucked up
But I didn't realize I would become even more fucked up
(I'm facing thirty, living dirty, it's fucked up)
Every day I think about death I'm living in a hurry
I'm living under stress
Every time I check the comments I'm thinking like, "Do they even deserve me?"
I'm like you, I'm living and I'm learning
At least we gon' keep the fire burning
Tell me when to quit, if this not it
Then it is what it is
Tell me when to quit, if this not it
Then it is what it is
It is what it is
It'll be the last time that I spit
Tell me what it is, if this not it
Then it is what it is
It is what it is”
COLD VISIONS (OUTRO) -“I hope I'll hope I hope I won't be buried under this snow
All this snow, so cold
Not knowing where to go
Flowers lying down dormant for long
Torment that has made them strong
Spring comes, they'll grow
They know, they know
Feather in the wind sinks like a stone
When the winds finally gone
But the place is not the point
Two sides of the same coin
I don't care but I Kare
When challenged by nothing
I'm asking for suffering
I'm asking for it
I don't care but I Kare
What is this sick justice?
Our flesh turn to plastic
The rest is history.”